I know you have heard a lot of talk about boundaries in marriage. Christian marriages are expected to have boundaries from main stream churches and families everywhere have been taught this. While I do agree that every person needs boundaries I disagree that the husband and wife should have any walls up between the two.
When a couple is dating there are clear personal boundaries written in the word of God. Do not commit fornication is probably the first one that will come to a dating couples mind. These boundaries are walls that keep the two people separate and within safe grounds. In this way boundaries are a great thing. These type of walls are for their own good.
When a couple comes together in marriage however things change. These personal boundaries that served as walls between them must come down. The reason is simple. The bible says that when you get married you become one with your spouse. This means those personal boundaries must now be removed from between the two for them to be one.
If a couple has some type of wall between them then they are not giving all areas of themselves to their spouse and this is called defrauding your spouse. To make the commitment to be one and hold an area back is to commit fraud. That is why I believe personal boundaries in marriage should not exist between husband and wife.
The bible makes it clear that a husband and wife do not belong to themselves but to each other. Your body belongs to your spouse and theirs to you. In this way you keep your own identity and yet at the same time you lose it.
Let me explain that last statement. Since what belongs to you belongs to them then it is not yours. At the same time what they have (which was yours) belongs to you still. The two cancel each other out. You still have the right to say no and your spouse should respect that. They still have the right to make a request and you should respect that.
In the end it isn't about boundaries at all. It is about how you treat each other in love. If your spouse knows you are not comfortable with something then their responsibility is to protect you from it even if it was their idea. We should have no area of our lives off limits to our spouse.
The boundaries in marriage must be towards the outside world. You are one unit. Bend in love to the will of your spouse or use tough love on them but do not shut them out of any area. You may have to give something up for their comfort or they may need to allow you something for yours. Just remember to keep each other involved.